Eshelle H. Butler

Hey everyone and Happy Sunday. This year has been one of the worst years we’ve seen in a long time. And it’s been especially difficult for me on a personal level for reasons I’d rather keep to myself. There has been so much tension and fear over the coronavirus, the rioting, a messy, mudslinging election, and all of the lives that have been lost. With all of these things going on should we even care about the holidays this year?

The state that my country is in makes me want to live somewhere else. I wish I lived in a country that doesn’t plot to destroy its own people and environment just to gain more money and power, a country that treats minorities and women like equals, a country that takes care of its children instead of neglecting, trafficking, abusing and killing them, that respects and cares for its elderly instead of trying to make life harder for them by threatening to demolish their social security which is their own money that they have earned from all the years that they’ve worked. A country where you can be black and do something as basic as watching birds in the park without having the police called on you just because you feel threatened in the presence of someone who looks different from you. A country where you can think for yourself and not have to worry about being treated like you have committed a crime, a country that used to be called “Free” is now a joke to all other countries.

It’s sad, isn’t it? But it’s time to face reality. Life as we once knew it will never be the same again. The holiday season begins next month and I’m not ready. But I plan to get ready. Why? Because the world is so big that I cannot allow myself to try and figure out all of the problems that it has, I am tired of watching and reading bad news, tired of wondering when I will be able to go to work and to the store without a mask on my face, I am sick of worrying about everybody and everything and hoping that my family and I don’t die of Covid-19, I am tired of mourning failed relationships and the death of loved ones, I have had it up to here with both Trump and Biden fighting over who would make the best president when they both know the answer is neither.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, life is too damn short and we’ve been forced to put off being happy for far too long. I will celebrate the holidays this year even if it feels inappropriate. Why? Because the holidays bring happiness, joy and make me smile. I enjoy buying gifts for the people I love, I enjoy decorating a big tree with colorful ornaments and lights, I enjoy hearing Christmas songs on the radio and in the stores, I even enjoy the first snow when it comes down and looks beautiful. I enjoy eating turkey and stuffing and pies and cakes. Celebrating a new year and making resolutions I have no intention of keeping.

These things still matter because normal life matters in a situation that is far from being normal. But I can make it normal in a healthy, risk-free way. I hear about people who say they haven’t seen their families in months or hugged their children. I can’t relate to that because my mother and my brother are in such bad health that I can’t stay away from them. They need me. And yes, I do hug my mother because she has Dementia and has no idea what the hell is going on in this messed up world. All she cares about is that somebody loves her and must take care of her. Writing this is making me want to cry because my emotions are high. After all, life hasn’t been so normal in a long time and it’s gotten to all of us. There are people that I know and love that I haven’t talked to or seen in a long time and I don’t even know if they are still alive. I am still taking the necessary precautions by standing six feet away from people in stores, I wear a mask for nine hours a day on the job and I can’t breathe and I’m breaking out because of it. But I’ve been so busy worrying about my family and taking care of everyone else that I haven’t even been caring for myself. And while we are doing all of these things, people are still dying.

So yes…I think we all should celebrate the holidays this year. Even if there’s missing loved ones at the dinner table. We need it, I need it. Something to smile about and bringing our family together. Because I think we’ve been apart for far too long.

Until next time…