The List

Happy Sunday everyone. Over the past week, I have been reevaluating my goals as an author. And I concluded that I no longer care about becoming a best-selling author…

I know, shocking isn’t it? Let me explain why. I did some soul searching and realized that I have not enjoyed trying to reach that goal. It’s a goal that’s very hard to reach and I only want to aim for goals that I know are obtainable for me. I admit that I am not “a great writer” and although I believe I will continue to grow as a writer, it could take me a lifetime to reach the best-seller’s list. I am fifty-years-old and don’t have a long life ahead of me. That is not enough years to truly work towards this. That is reason number one.

Reason number two is that I did not start writing because I wanted to become rich and famous. Even though being rich would be awesome, famous; I’m not so sure about. I am a very private person so the idea of having my life on display for all the world to see makes me feel very uneasy. I don’t even enjoy being on social media. As some of you have noticed I am not on Facebook or Instagram. Not to say that I haven’t tried them. I have but I didn’t feel comfortable. I may try again at some point, but I have to think about it. I started writing because I love creating stories and publishing was always optional. I mainly write for myself and I believed that God wanted me to share what I wrote with the rest of the world instead of shoving my hard work in a drawer, never to be read by anyone but me. I have already accomplished that and will continue publishing for as long as I can.

The third reason is this: The Best Seller’s List is only for those deemed special enough to make it. I did not spend all fifty years of my life and go through all the crap that I’ve been through in my life just to wait around for some elitist who thinks he’s better than everyone else to tell me that I’m worthy to be on a list that is not going to change my life I assure you. It won’t. I’m not so desperate to meet other’s approval that I need to waste the few years of my life that I have left to devote to something that I may never get. It’s not even about how many books you sell, it’s a friggin popularity contest and if I’ve never been popular my whole life, I’m probably not going to be popular now and I’m fine with that. I’m a lone wolf who has never given a damn about whether anyone likes me or not.  I like me. And that’s all that matters.

If I actually made the list someday, that’s fine. I’d be happy, no lie but let me tell you what would really make me happy. Being financially independent (Not wealthy) and being able to just enjoy life without having to struggle. The economy sucks and no one should ever have to struggle to live. None of us ever asked to be on this earth so we all deserve to be happy just being able to live comfortably without fear, without pressure, without pain and without being treated like crap from people who don’t pay our bills and our rent. Making the list would not provide for me financially. Making the list would not give me eternal youth or allow me to never get my heart broken. Life will go on and still put me on a roller coaster ride at times or bore me to tears.

My main focus is and will continue to be writing a good story and challenging myself as an Author. I would also like to write films and television but since I started publishing, I haven’t had the time anymore. When writing stops being enjoyable for me, I will stop writing and never go back to it. But for right now it is my purpose, my therapy, and my life. It’s hard to believe that I once felt that I would never write a novel. I didn’t think I had the patience. Writing novels taught me how to have patience and self-confidence. It taught me how to be unafraid to go deep into the darkest parts of myself and say things and do things that I would never do using the actions of my characters. It is mind-blowing at times and I am enjoying the ride. I hope you all love what I do and will continue to but if you don’t that’s fine too as long as I am satisfied with my work.

The fourth of July is approaching, and I hope everyone has a great one.

Until next time.


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