Losing My Desire?

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Hey there, I know this blog entry is a bit late but I have been busy helping my parents look for something to bury my Aunt in and the process of cleaning out her apartment has begun. The funeral has not happened yet and that is because the funeral home is so booked up that her funeral was pushed back a couple of weeks. Prolonging the inevitable is making it hard to stay focused on my writing and making me lose the desire to write altogether. My Aunt was very active in our family and it is hard to say goodbye. All I keep thinking about is her.

Every night I say I’m going to work on my novel but since she died, I have not been able to write as much as I usually do. Sometimes not at all. This blog will be the only thing I will write today. I never realized how much she meant to me until we lost her. These past few weeks my mind has been filled with flashbacks. I think about the first trip I took to New York because we were going to visit her and it was the first time I had ever seen the inside of an apartment, and a nice one it was. She had this enormous dog that scared the crap out of me when I woke up one morning to go to the bathroom. My parents still laugh at that to this day. I was just a child then. But the memory sticks out because I remember thinking that someday I wanted to have a cool apartment and be an independent woman just like her.

She bought my first book but I’m not sure if she ever actually read it. She had many books. She was a great lover of good literature. I almost felt ashamed to have her read my first book because I knew that it wasn’t that good. It was my first. I know that if she were still alive, she would not want me to stop writing. So, I will do my best to continue so I can finish the new book. I wish she could read it when it’s finished. A lot of life changes are happening to me now, causing me to also change the time that I write now, so for a little while everything will be off balance but hopefully, everything will work out in the end. Until next time…