How do You Write When Your Grieving?

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You know I have always had a very difficult time dealing with death. I used to be afraid of it but I’m not as afraid as I used to be. I think I’m more afraid of losing the people I love. My Godmother died yesterday. I kind of expected it because she had a stroke a few weeks ago and wasn’t getting better. She died in the hospital. After I found out, I cried and spent the rest of my day trying to keep doing the things that I would normally do on Fridays. But it was hard. I just felt numb. Like I did when my brother died last summer. I said I was going to take a day off from writing and you know what…I didn’t. Why? Because I know myself and I don’t trust that I wont get writer’s block after only one day of not writing. Yes, I am notorious for getting writer’s block and when it happens; it lasts a very long time. I couldn’t take the risk because I am writing my new novel “Spirit Walk” and I want to have it finished by Christmas. That is the goal that I set for myself because when I don’t discipline myself like this, I will lose my edge. I will go months without writing a damn thing and I hate it. I feel like I’m handicapped and it’s literally crippling. I have committed myself to write at least five or more pages a day. This way even if I am busy that day, I can still get in at least five pages no matter what. I just started doing it like this with this book. So far it has worked for me. But I have to say it’s hard to even do five pages while grieving the loss of a loved one. I have known her my entire life and now I will never see her again. Writing while grieving can help you to forget or it can add to your pain, especially if the scene you are writing is an emotional one. If the scene is about death or highly upsetting, then I would not advise writing it until you feel you can handle it. But if you need to just write something in order to keep up your writing pace, than try writing a poem or a short story. Or even starting a new project altogether if you can handle it. If you are like me and you just have to write while grieving do not feel guilty about it. I don’t. I think it helps me to cope. It’s helping me just to write this blog entry. I will probably feel much worse on the day of her funeral and I don’t know if I can write that day. But I’ll try. Even if it’s just one page. At least it’s something. Until next time…